無辜的小鬼（中英）　宣化上人主講

對自己的生命負責！

Taking Responsibility for My Own Life!

◎于安 口述
Yu An

我不能說我勇敢，但是這樣的選擇，心裏自有一份踏實，也有一份心安。

I can't claim that I was brave; I thought it was a realistic choice (to have the baby), and I felt a sense of peace once I made the choice.

十年前，我做錯了一件事──在一個糊塗的因緣下，我懷孕了。但是，我，未婚。當時的情況告訴我，如果我把孩子生下來的話，只能當一個未婚媽媽。
   　    
Ten years ago, I did something wrong. Being confused, I got pregnant without being married. I knew then if I gave birth to the baby, I could only be a single mother.
   　    
由於人身是很難得的，很不容易有做人的機會，斷送一條人命，讓對方失去做人的機會，是一件很殘忍的事。因此，我堅持在任何情況下，不管承受多大的艱辛困苦，一定要將孩子生下來，不可墮胎！因為，我要對自己的生命負責！
   　    
In the endless cycle of death and rebirth, a human body is very difficult to obtain. Therefore, I thought if I were to terminate a life, I would be depriving someone of an opportunity to be born as a human being. This would be a very cruel act. Accordingly, I insisted on having the baby, no matter how much difficulty and hardship I might have to undergo. I would not have an abortion under any circumstances. After all, I must be responsible for my own life!
   　    
我，未婚有孕；這帶給親人一陣風暴。當時家人分成兩派，一派是：為了我的前途著想，孩子生下來後，送給人！一派是：是自己的孩子，當然可以留下來自己養育。
   　    
Being single and pregnant, I caused an upheaval in my family. My family was of two minds; one faction, concerned about my future, thought I should give up the baby for adoption, while the other faction thought the baby was one of us now, and thus, we should keep the baby and raise him or her.

孩子生下後，是個女娃娃，我知道互為母女，這是一份特別的緣份，所以我親自養育，並幫助孩子學習佛法，導引她有個正確的人生觀，改變命運，乃至成就法身慧命。我自己當然也重新再來過，遵守五戒──不殺生、不偷盜、不邪淫、不妄語、不飲酒，以戒律做為人生的導航，就不會再走錯方向了。
   　    
I gave birth to a baby girl, and being mother and daughter, I knew that there was a special affinity between the two of us. Therefore, I raised and educated her myself. I helped my daughter to study the Buddhadharma and guided her to develop a proper view of life, so that she could shape her own destiny and even be able to realize her “Dharma body and wisdom life.” I also started anew myself by observing the five precepts – no killing, no stealing, no sexual misconduct, no lying, and no taking of intoxicants. By letting the precepts be my guide through life, I no longer will head toward the wrong directions.
   　    
如今，孩子將近十歲了。雖然身為一個單親媽媽，身兼父職，這一路走來，碰到很多障礙，很辛苦的。但是，我做應該做的事，不管能力如何，能做多少就做多少，不容易的也要做。總而言之，盡力而為就是了。現在，看到孩子健康活潑地活著，再怎麼辛苦都值得！
   　    
Now my daughter is almost ten years old. As a single mother, I also had to fulfill the role of a father. Although it has been a hard journey as I encountered many obstacles on the way, I was doing what I was supposed to do. Regardless of my capability, I did what I could. Even if something was difficult to handle, I still handled it. In short, I tried my best. Now, watching my daughter growing up healthy and happy, everything was worth it, no matter how hard!
   　    
另一方面，我也很慶幸的，或許是佛菩薩的幫忙吧，我也碰到善緣，鼓舞我繼續前進；也深信秉著佛陀的教誨，一定可以克服種種困境，所以我對未來還是很有信心的。
   　    
In addition, I am very fortunate (probably with help from the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas) that I have met people who I have wholesome affinities with, and they have encouraged me to keep moving forward. I also deeply believe that by upholding the Buddha’s teachings, I definitely can overcome various difficulties, and thus I remain confident about the future.
   　    
當初，我沒有用另外一個錯誤（墮胎），去掩飾前一個錯誤（未婚懷孕）；相反的，面對自己的錯誤，擔負起責任。我不能說我勇敢，但是這樣的選擇，心裏自有一份踏實，也有一份心安。
   　    
More than ten years ago, I didn’t use another mistake (having an abortion) to cover up my previous mistake (getting pregnant without being married). On the contrary, I faced my own mistake, and accepted responsibility for my actions. I can’t claim that I was brave; I thought it was a realistic choice, and I felt a sense of peace once I made the choice.
   　    
再者，以前父母所擔心的：未婚，帶著一個孩子，這一生大概就沒什麼前途了。所以要我把孩子生下來後，送給人。我的體會是：勇敢地面對自己的錯誤，心性平和地擔負起責任，這就是成長，這就是前途！因為這裏面會滋生出一股堅毅不拔的力量，陪你走在人生道上。
   　    
In addition, because I was a single mother, my parents were worried that I probably wouldn’t have too much of a future. Therefore, they wanted me to give up the baby for adoption. However my experience has been that by bravely facing one’s mistakes and calmly accepting one’s responsibility is growth and maturity. Because by doing so, you will develop a sense of unwavering determination that can serve you well for the rest of your life.
   　    
當然，我更要奉勸各位未婚的朋友，要潔身自愛，不要犯了和我十年前同樣的錯誤。不管怎樣，未婚卻有兩性關係，總是不對的，總是種來日苦果的因。所以，不要糊塗，要克己復禮；有禮法，有規矩尺度，才會有健康的人生！
   　    
Finally, I would like to offer my advice to anyone who is single -- please maintain your purity and integrity, and don’t make the same mistake as I did ten years ago. Engaging in premarital sex is improper under any circumstances, for such an action is the cause of future suffering. Therefore, don’t be confused; rather, control your desires, act with propriety and decorum, and follow the rules. That is the only way that you can lead a wholesome life!