無辜的小鬼（中英）　宣化上人主講

行醫的迴盪

A Doctor's Realization

◎莊雅媜‧臨床心理師
Ya-Jen Chuang, Clinical Psychologist

聽了這些躁鬱症者的故事，心裏迴盪著上人對戒律的強調……

After listening to the stories of my patients with Bipolar Disorders, I realized why the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of upholding the precepts......

接觸宣公上人的書籍大約是在四年前，那時台灣正經歷SARS危機。SARS其實就像上人在開示錄中所提的──可怕的傳染性肺病。我在醫院工作，當時只要出了醫院就是被討厭的人。隨時都可能因為發燒而被隔離，那兒也不適合去。阿姨送來上人的開示錄，我開始認識上人。上人說，持誦〈大悲咒〉和〈楞嚴咒〉的人，可以在這瘟疫劫裏幸免於難。我開始學習〈楞嚴咒〉。
   　    
I became acquainted with the Venerable Master’s teachings about four years ago, around the time when Taiwan had the SARS crisis. Actually, SARS is like the dangerous and contagious respiratory disease that the Venerable Master mentioned in his Dharma talks. As a health worker, I was met with fear once I left the hospital where I worked. Since I could be quarantined for even the slightest fever, it was hard for me to go anywhere. It was then my aunt sent me publications of the Venerable Master’s Dharma talks, and I began to study his teachings. The Venerable Master said that people who recite the Great Compassion Mantra and the Shurangama Mantra would be untouched by an epidemic. This was when I started to learn the Shurangama Mantra.
   　    
閱讀上人的開示錄，驚訝於居然有人可以這般地說真話，提倡道德，一點也不從眾媚俗。這在臺灣謊言日增的社會裏，已經愈來愈少見了。對上人的敬佩油然而生。上人的教誨，幫助我走過職場生涯的迷惘困惑；影響我從不接觸經典到想要探索經藏；教導我從佛法的角度看心理疾病；修正我忽略戒律的觀念，而主動想要學習和持守戒律。
   　    
While reading the Venerable Master’s lectures, I was amazed by the way he spoke the truth and promoted morality, without following traditional customs just to please people. Living in the Taiwanese society where truth is becoming rarer while lies are increasing daily, my respect for the Venerable Master arose naturally. His teachings guided me through difficulties and confusing situations in my career, transformed me from someone who never touched a Sutra to someone who wishes to explore the Sutra treasury, and helped me to understand mental illnesses from a Buddhist perspective. He also showed me the error of overlooking the precepts, and inspired me to learn and uphold the precepts instead.
   　    
記得從學校畢業後，懷著憧憬和夢想進入職場，與所崇敬的資深臨床心理專業前輩一起工作。有一天，當發現自己的單純和對人的尊敬竟然成為被利用的弱點，感到相當地認知失調。不禁懷疑，是不是要在這個領域有所發展，除了專業之外，還要學會一些損人利己的手段呢？可是真要這麼做，我又不敢。幸而，上人強調對道德規範的嚴格遵守，指出末法眾生鬥爭性強，損人利己行為普遍存在的現象。令我重新肯定價值信念，分辨所處環境中的是非對錯，也讓自己不要被這些亂七八糟的事情困擾著。
   　    
When I graduated from school, I entered my profession with idealistic expectations. I worked alongside experienced and senior clinical psychologists whom I respected. One day, however, when I realized that my colleagues were treating my innocence and respect for others as weaknesses to exploit, I experienced a high degree of cognitive dissonance. I began to wonder whether in order to succeed in my profession, in addition to developing a specialty, I needed to learn how to exploit others’ weaknesses to benefit myself. However, I knew I could never do something like that. Fortunately, the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of following rules of ethics and morality. He also pointed out that living beings in the Dharma-ending age are highly contentious, and thus behaviors that benefit themselves at the expense of others are common. His teachings reaffirmed my original believes and allowed me to clearly distinguish between right and wrong at work, so I was no longer bothered by the fighting or the gossip.
   　    
雖然生長在臺灣，古文是臺灣學生必學的課程，但是我都看不懂，考試也都用猜的。縱使接觸上人之前已經學佛，打坐和念佛是會參加的，但從來沒想過要讀經典。因為經典都是古文，我想這輩子是不可能看得懂的。然而，閱讀上人用簡單的文字對經典所做的淺釋，我才知道經典的世界是如此地豐富，不亞於現世的知識範疇；而且，經典所言就在生活裏。我對經典起了研讀的興趣，想要進入經藏的世界遊走探索一番。
   　    
Having grown up in Taiwan, as a student, I was required to study ancient Chinese texts (i.e., written in classical Chinese). However, I never understood them very well; I even guessed on my exams for those classes. Before encountering the Venerable Master’s teachings, I was already studying the Buddhadharma. I participated in Dharma Assemblies for meditation and recitation of the Buddha’s name, but I never thought about studying the Sutras. Since the Sutras are written in classical Chinese, I thought I would never understand them in this lifetime. Fortunately, the Venerable Master used simple and easily understandable language when he explained the Sutras, so I could experience the richness of the Sutras which surpasses our worldly knowledge. I also realized that the Sutras are talking about how we think and act in our daily lives, and this understanding prompted my interest to investigate the Sutras and my wish to explore the Sutra treasury.  
   　    
在專業工作中我看到，有些心理疾病即使長期治療也不會好，即便給予完善的心理和環境治療，用上最新的藥也一樣。面對這樣的病人，不免也感到挫折和無力感。上人提到，精神疾病者多半業障重，有冤親債主跟著，讓這些人受報。人呢，也需要有福德善根才能遇到善法。基於這些觀點，當我在跟病人討論生活安排時，會比較強調和鼓勵他們從事能做功德的活動，像是志工；而比較不鼓勵吃喝玩樂的活動安排。
   　    
As a clinical psychologist, I have encountered some cases of mental illnesses that no amount of treatment could cure, even after using the entire range of psychotherapy and milieu therapy, and the newest medications. When I met with these patients, I could not help them, and so I felt frustrated and powerless. The Venerable Master said that people with mental disorders often have committed serious karmic offenses. Therefore, living beings, who they have harmed or are otherwise indebted to, are following them around, seeking revenge and repayment. In addition, people need to have merits, virtues, and good roots in order to encounter wholesome Dharma. Based on these principles, when I discuss with my patients about their daily activities, I put more emphasis on and encourage them to do good deeds, such as volunteer work, that will help them to gain merits and virtues. I also discourage them from wasting time in search of pleasure.
   　    
又者，上人提到，同性戀是不對的。然而，在精神醫學領域，同性戀已不再被視為疾病；並且我也有著同性戀族群的病人和朋友。記得曾在實法師的開示中聽到：上人面對同性戀者時，是慈悲而有智慧地從節制欲望的觀點幫助他們。我也學著用以做為治療這族群病人和與這族群朋友互動的指導原則。事實上，知識不完全是對的，很慶幸能夠學習佛法和上人的教誨，用以檢視每天所運用的知識。
   　    
The Venerable Master also mentioned that homosexuality is wrong. However, in the field of psychiatry, homosexuality is no longer considered as a disorder. I also have some friends and patients who are gay. I remember in one of Dharma Master Heng Sure's lectures he said that when the Venerable Master met people who are gay, he wisely and compassionately helped them from the perspective of reducing desires. I follow this teaching as a guideline in treating patients and interacting with friends who are gay. In actuality, not all knowledge is correct. Therefore, I am very fortunate to study the Buddhadharma and the Venerable Master's teachings, and use them to examine and reflect on the worldly knowledge that I use every day.
   　    
過去我不懂戒律的精神，對於持守戒律的行為感到質疑。心裏詢問著：遵守戒律，這樣子依樣畫葫蘆的行為，就真的能夠對修行有所提升嗎？然而，看到上人如此強調嚴持戒律，也從病人的故事中，警覺到上人這個堅持的重要。
   　    
Before I didn’t understand the reasons for upholding the precepts, and so I had doubts about this practice. I wondered, if I uphold the precepts just because others are doing so, how could it help me in my cultivation. However, after learning the Venerable Master’s emphasis on upholding the precepts and listening to my patients’ stories, I understood the importance of upholding the precepts.
   　    
有一個四十多歲的第一型躁鬱症病人告訴我，他在年輕的時候，因為對女友的懷疑，未經求證，就把女友殺了。後來他接受司法的審判，入獄服刑。出獄後他又開始新的人生，努力工作，也建立了美好的家庭，有二個相當疼愛的小孩。但是，正當他可以享受多年來努力的成果時，他生病了。而這第一型躁鬱症，屬於嚴重型精神病，好起來的機會不高。他太太正訴請離婚，並帶走二個小孩。他感到相當的痛苦。
   　    
Let me share some of my patients’ stories with you. I had a patient around 40 years old, who was suffering from Bipolar I Disorder. He told me that when he was young, he suspected that his girlfriend was being unfaithful and, without any proof, killed her. He was sentenced to prison, and after serving his time, he began his life anew. He worked hard, started his own family, and raised two children whom he loved very much. But just when he was able to enjoy the fruit of his labor, he fell ill. He was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder. This disorder is a form of severe psychosis, with a very slim chance of recovery. His wife filed for divorce and took their children away. The patient was suffering tremendously as a result.
   　    
另外是第二型躁鬱症的女性患者，當問她們有沒有墮胎經驗時，十位有七位曾經墮胎。這個病在輕躁發作時，會覺得很快樂、很愉悅，不斷地想要追求各種欲望、滿足並忽略痛苦的後果，像是瘋狂購物而致負債、一夜情等；憂鬱發作的時候，又會情緒低落、無助無望，甚至覺得活著沒有價值和意義，甚或自殺。
   　    
Another example deals with female patients with Bipolar II Disorder. When I asked them whether they had abortions in the past, it turned out that seven out of ten had. This type of Bipolar Disorder consists of two phases: the Hypomanic Episode and the Major Depressive Episode. During the Hypomanic Episode, patients experience euphoria, continuously seek to fulfill their various desires, and ignore potentially harmful results of their actions. For example, they may go on shopping sprees and end up in debt, or get involved in one-night stands. During the Major Depressive Episode, patients feel so depressed, helpless, and hopeless that they consider life is worthless or meaningless. These feelings may even lead to suicide.
   　    
令我印象深刻的故事之一是：有一位美麗的少婦，她有疼愛她的先生和二個可愛的小孩。當她和先生結婚後，辛苦努力了幾年，終於家庭經濟達到相當的水準，房子、車子、孩子都具足了。但她卻第二型躁鬱症發病，幾次住院以來，治療效果並不好。雖然她知道該如何好好地過生活，但是受症狀的干擾，總是做不到。當問到她有無墮胎經驗時，她才說：在跟先生結婚前，他們曾經懷了一個小孩，但是礙於當時沒有婚姻關係，也顧及雙方家長的面子，他們沒有將小孩生下，而是選擇墮胎。
   　    
The story that made the greatest impression on me is about a beautiful young woman who has a loving husband and two adorable children. After working hard for many years, the patient and her husband finally achieved a fairly high standard of living, complete with a house, cars, and children. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with Bipolar II Disorder. She was hospitalized several times, but the treatments were not very effective. Although she knows how to live a normal life, she could not do so because of her illness. When I got to the question of whether she had an abortion, she told me that before she married her husband, she was pregnant with their child. However, since they were not married and were afraid of the negative effect of the premarital pregnancy on their parents’ reputation, they chose abortion over giving birth to the child.
   　    
另一位是約莫三十多歲的憂鬱症患者，她也有幸福的家庭，先生是電腦工程師，很照顧她和二個小孩。女兒才是小學生而已，但是相當貼心。每次她住院，女兒總是會透過爸爸代為傳達對她的關心和想念。她出院回家，女兒也會陪伴她、鼓勵她，表現乖巧的行為讓她高興。但是她的憂鬱症一再復發，還有重覆的自我傷害行為，每當她情緒低落或者感到痛苦的時候，她就撞牆或者割傷自己，用身體的疼痛釋放心理的痛苦，嚴重的時候幾乎每天都這麼做。問起來，她也曾經墮過胎，雖然我不知道她的病源是否來自墮胎，但是她的病情的確令人感慨。
   　    
Another example is about a patient who is around 30 years old, and she suffered from recurrent Major Depressive Disorder. She also has a nice family. Her husband is a computer engineer who takes good care of her and their two children. Her daughter is only an elementary school student, but she is very considerate. Every time the patient is hospitalized, her daughter sends words through her husband, telling her how much she is loved and missed. After she returns home, her daughter keeps her company, encourages her, and pleases her by behaving very well. However, when symptoms of her depression recur, she repeatedly hurts herself. Whenever she feels really depressed or anguished, she throws herself against a wall or cuts herself. She tries to release her psychological pain by her physical pain. During the periods of mood-irregular exacerbation, she behaves like this almost every day. When asked, she told me that she had an abortion. Although I don’t know whether her ailment stemmed from her abortion, her condition is really sad.
   　    
聽了這些故事，心裏迴盪著上人對戒律的強調。想著人如果能夠持守戒律，這些殺生的事就不會發生，當然也不用經歷受果報的痛苦。於是乎做了決定──學習和持守戒律，而今年有幸能夠在萬佛聖城受在家菩薩戒。
   　    
After listening to these stories, I realized why the Venerable Master emphasized the importance of upholding the precepts. If people could uphold the precepts, those killings would not have taken place, and they would not have to endure the suffering of their retribution. Therefore, I resolved to learn and uphold the precepts. This year I am fortunate enough to receive the Lay Bodhisattva Precepts at the City of Ten Thousand Buddhas.
   　    
雖然我沒有見過上人，然而，上人的教誨卻不斷地指引著我生命的正確方向。我相信上人所說的一切，也學著點點滴滴去實踐上人的教導。
   　    
Although I have never met the Venerable Master, his teachings continuously guide me toward the correct path in life. I believe in all of the Venerable Master’s instructions, and bit by bit I try to put his teachings into practice.