無辜的小鬼（中英）　宣化上人主講

讓錯誤不再發生

Don't Let the Mistake Happen Again!

◎王士明
Shi-Ming Wang

別以為墮胎只是女方的錯，男方一樣要負起責任，一樣會有果報的。
Don't think abortion is a mistake that only a woman can make.
A man is also responsible and will experience the retribution as well.

大約在一九八七年起，臺灣政府對於校園實施了一連串的開放政策；以往對於學生管理相當的嚴格，禁止留長髮，禁止男女在校園中交往，也不准去舞廳跳舞。開放之後，常常看到校園裏成雙成對的情侶，一到假日就和同學結伴去舞廳跳舞，通宵達旦。就在舞廳裏，我認識了事件中的女主角，交往了一段時間之後，她懷孕了，而她最直接的決定是──墮胎。當時只覺得這樣似乎不好，也曾反對過，但最後仍敵不過女朋友的堅持，陪伴著她去醫院。短短的半小時，一條生命就這樣消失了。過程中，我心如刀割痛苦萬分，心裏對這條生命有著萬分的愧疚。這是發生在一九八九年四月的事，我沒想到我還是個學生，二十歲不到，但我已荒唐地將一條生命帶來人世，又無知地剝奪他生存的權利！
   　    
From around 1987, the Taiwanese government started implementing a series of more permissive policies on campus. Before that, the regulations governing the students were quite strict. For examples, there were rules prohibiting students from growing their hair long, forbidding male and female students from having relationships on campus, and preventing students from going to dance halls. After the more permissive policies came into effect, couples could frequently be seen on campus, and during school holidays, students would go dancing with their friends all night long. It was in a dance hall that I met the main female lead in this story. After dating for a while, she got pregnant and she decided right away to have an abortion. Somehow, I felt getting an abortion wasn’t right, and I even voiced my opposition. However, at my girlfriend’s insistence, I finally gave up and accompanied her to a hospital. In merely half an hour, a life was terminated. While I was waiting for my girlfriend, I felt as if a knife were piercing my heart and I was in such agony. I felt terribly ashamed and guilty about the lost life. All this happened in April of 1989; I couldn’t believe that as a student less than twenty years old, I did a terrible thing and brought a life into the world, then ignorantly deprived him of the right to live!
   　    
約在結束後第六天晚上，我夢到一個小男孩手上拿著一把刀，惡狠狠地瞪著我；突然間，他用手上的刀揮向我的脖子，在我的脖子上留下了一道很深的傷口。夢中的我手捂著脖子痛醒，我心裏明白這應該是那位被拿掉的孩子來報仇吧！從此以後，我常在凌晨四點胃痛痛醒，脾氣越來越暴躁，身體越來越糟，甚至常常想動手打我的女朋友。當時，我不明白我的身體和心性怎麼會這樣；直到皈依宣公上人後，聽到上人的開示，才知道「墮胎」的可怕。我盡力懺悔，拜佛、誦經咒，修諸功德，只希望那位「孩子」能原諒我。
   　    
It was about the sixth night after the abortion that I dreamed about a little boy. He stared at me fiercely, with a knife in his hand. Suddenly, he thrust the knife at my neck, leaving a very deep cut. In the dream, I covered my neck with my hand, and I woke up from the pain. I knew in my heart that it was the aborted child who came for revenge! From then on, I often woke up from stomach-aches around four o'clock in the morning, and my health started to decline. I also got more and more irritable to the point that I frequently wanted to hit my girlfriend. At that time, I didn’t understand why my body and mind became like that. It was not until I took refuge with the Venerable Master Hua that I realized how terrible abortion was. I tried my best to repent and reform, bow to the Buddhas, recite Sutras and Mantras, and cultivate various merits and virtues. I only hope that “the child” would forgive me.
   　    
十年之後果報終於發生了，醫生在我夢中留下傷口的位置發現了癌症，一顆四公分大的惡性腫瘤，在手術之後雖然看似痊癒了，但我仍努力地修行迴向，希望能彌補自己曾經犯下的大錯。
   　    
My retribution came ten years – I was diagnosed with cancer. The doctors found a malignant tumor about four centimeters in my neck, the place where the child wounded me in my dream. Although I seemed to be cured after the operation, I continue to cultivate diligently and transfer the resulting merits to the child, in the hope that I can make up for my big mistake.
   　    
當時年少無知，如果學校社會能給我們多一些約束，若是沒開放舞禁，若是在我們年輕時有多一些道德教育；若是我和女朋友之間能守好禮教，不管男女，只要有一方堅持守身，錯誤就不會發生了。
   　    
At the time of the abortion, we were young and ignorant. We would not have made such a mistake if the society and schools held us to stricter standards, the prohibition on dancing was not lifted, we had more education on morality, or my girlfriend and I acted with propriety. In fact, in a couple, it doesn’t matter whether it’s the man or the woman who acts with propriety. Only one of them needs to insist on maintaining purity and a mistake would be prevented.
   　    
我將自己的經驗說出來，希望能提醒大家守好婚前的道德，不要犯下邪淫與殺生的罪業；更希望藉此勉勵年輕人，練習克制自己的慾望。在讀書時多放些心思在課業上，把師長的告誡放在心中。有時，我們覺得那是老生常談而不以為意，總覺自己可以處理得很好；其實，一旦鑄成大錯，就難以挽回了。不要像我，一輩子都帶著這份愧疚，扔都扔不掉！
   　    
By sharing my experience, I wish to remind everyone to follow the moral standards on premarital relationship, and don’t commit the karmic offenses of sexual misconduct and killing. More importantly, I wish to encourage young people to learn how to control their desires, concentrate on their studies, and be mindful of the admonitions from their teachers and elders. Sometimes we think those admonitions are old wives’ tales and ignore them, feeling that we can manage everything just fine. Actually, once a big mistake has been made, it is very difficult to correct. Don’t become someone like me, who carries an unshakeable sense of shame and guilt for the rest of his life.
   　    
我們的人生還有很多路要走，慾望衝動時，要先冷靜。別以為墮胎只是女方一個人的錯，男方一樣要負起責任，一樣會有果報的。希望──真心的希望，大家一起共同努力，給年輕人更多的教育與幫助，也希望年輕人趕快從迷夢中醒悟，讓錯誤不再發生！
   　    
We still have a long way to go on our life’s journey. Therefore, we should stay calm when sudden urges arise. Don't think abortion is a mistake that only a woman can make. A man is also responsible and will experience the retribution as well. I sincerely wish that all of us will work together to provide more education and assistance to young people. I also wish that young people will quickly wake up from their confused dreams, and not let the mistake happen again!